Public Advocat Debate Centers on Attacking Incumbent

Jackson Witnesses Say Family Wasn't Held

Published in: Internet News Search: dentist May 16th, 2005

Jackson Witnesses Say Family Wasn't Held

Rapid City Journal
mother on Feb. 24, 2003. The mother has described the dental visit as a ruse to try to escape. Seamount, however, testified she

Police Investigate Homicide After Remains Dug Up

Published in: Internet News Search: dentist July 4th, 2005

Police Investigate Homicide After Remains Dug Up

WXXA
the person had been dead. The name is being withheld until DNA and dental record testing is complete. Neighbors told the Utica Observer

OKAY! You win!

Published in: Internet News Search: dentist October 1st, 2005

OKAY! You win!

Except not really, because I always win.  That's the funny thing about perspective, the possibilities for warp are astounding.

I'm so very touched, please don't think my tardiness in responding is indicative of any ingratitude.  I was unable to post due to the convergence of computer issues (fucking McAfee will not get another dollar from me, ever), cable issues (No, dearest Comcast billing lady, I don't think you'll shut off my cable, I have not missed a single payment regardless of what your screen says and yes I'm quite sure we bought the house in May not August) and a rare migraine that left me seeing stars and vomiting.  FUN!  I admit also, to being surprised by some comments and used the downtime to mull it over a bit. 

Menita, you're very sweet, and right in a way that caught me off guard.  Yes, I have come to know several of you as friends.  I am so dense.  See, I forget that I have made actual friends here.  I tend to focus on giving the folks who don't comment (or do so rarely) some reason to deign to type out a chuckle or a sigh.  I like to see, vain and needy as it is, comments and a readership.  Apparently I take for granted that some folks know me better than those various unknown others I'm trying to lure into coming back and gratifying my need for attention.  Duh, me.  I won't overlook that simple fact again.  Promise.

As Russo writes in Empire Falls, "The sad, fucking truth was that whatever you are, you never, ever will get your fill."  No, we're not done talking about the book because, read that!  It's exactly why I can't possibly stop hamming it up. I love the attention.  I love the friends I've made and I am very very greedy.   

Sara, damn woman, you give good compliment.  That's probably the most flattering thing I've ever been told about this blog.  Thank you.  And also you are wrong.  I know this because I haven't effectively communicated what the word "writer" means to me.  When I say "I am not a writer," I'm not begging for compliments.  I'm stating the facts in terms of profession and goals.  Writers, for me, have a whole other level of skill.  I take it seriously because I have friends who are struggling within the industry.  I don't want that life and I certainly don't want to lower the standards I set for my friends just so I can feel a part of something I admire. 

I am also far too wrapped up in my own inferiority complex to understand how anything could be fascinating about my perspective.  I'm as ordinary as they come.  You might object, any friend would out of obligation to my ego, but my mind is made up.  No protests to this will register with me, that compliment as it is, is too big.  Call me stupid, stubborn, or frighteningly insecure, but I don't rate.  I'd say I don't care to but that'd be a lie.  But more so, I'm tickled pink that you pay attention much less get any solitary moment of companionship from me.  That's the point I think, to be helpful.  That's the only way I can accept such a compliment.  So forgive me for warping your words.  What you and several others made me realize though, is that I don't know why you come here.  Me? Have a disconnect? Of this magnitude? PULLEASE!

You want the details of my IVF, I'm game.  I could have asked, maybe I should have, but I've seen other bloggers do that, and with the exception of Cecily, I've been turned off by it.  When I start exploring blogs, I reflexively click away when I see a "Ok, I can't think of anything to write, so you come up questions for me" post.  I selfishly want to find little rewards, not the demand for effort on my part.  It's hard enough writing my own story.  I think good writers are able to reward their readers in some way.  I'd like my blog to be entertaining and fun and irresistible but mostly I want to be fulfilled.  This year has not been a whole lotta fun, and frankly I'm over it.  I might come off like I'm being hard on myself, but that's not it.  I hate constantly complaining.  I thought the IVF details would be dull and tedious because I am a gigantic snotty wench (Menita, you twat, I prefer wench to bitch) when I'm bored.  So, I'll figure out a way to blog the nitty gritty in a way that also pleases me.  Especially given that researching protocols has consumed me as of late.  Lesson learned.

So here's my current honest reality;  I'm bored.  I can't do what I want to do because my body is getting in the way.  You'd think I'd be used to it.

On fertility fronts, the mock transfer went well enough, some cramping but nothing that lasted too long.  The day 12 ultrasound confirms I have a fabulous uterus.  10mm lining, one dominant 17 mm follicle on the right side flanked by six or so antral follicles and those eleven antral follicles on the left ovary.  The doc confirmed that my ovarian reserve looks fine and was confident at our prospects.  I have yet to hear from the financial coordinator to determine what plans we qualify for.  With a FSH of 5 and E2 of 39, I hope we qualify for all options and then can pick and choose what we want to do.   But that deserves a post unto itself. 

I find myself coming to terms with IVF and our need for it, thanks in huge part to endoteers, Akeeyu and Anna H.  I've been reading Akeeyu for forever and Anna's endo experience, while very different for my own, prepped me to hear, to listen to the doctor when he said statistically my odds of conceiving naturally were 5% at best.  How can that little number weigh so much and be simultaneously so enlightening?

On the home front; I worked on the still unfinished after 3 months bathroom Monday.  Looking up while persuading joint compound into the cracks caused my neck to go out again.  Tuesday's PT appointment was painful and was followed by an unpleasant dentist appointment.  I tend to get tense while in the chair which further aggravated my neck causing the Wednesday headache throw up fest.  Of course, Wednesday is the day my mom wakes up in particularly perky mood and called me twice before nine.  I should not have to beg my mother to let me off the phone to go throw up again.  Thursday was a repeat of Tuesday, though it did go better.  I think I've lost ten pounds since the dental work/flu began but I go on the pill next cycle and I'm sure that'll swing me back to normal.  Today, I'm fantasizing about fall bulbs knowing full well that we can't spend the money even if my neck could handle the digging.  God help me if I'm ever put on bed rest.  I ache at not planting my favorite tulips, Princess Irene.  See!  Whine moan, bitch, repeat.

On top of my complaints, Mudge has pulled two all-nighters this week on top of a 330 hour month (for non-lawyers, that is the equivalent of four consecutive 85+ hour weeks without a day off for a straight month).  I miss him.  Sigh.

So that's about it, I think.  If I'm leaving something out, remind me.  If I remain clueless as to why you come here or what you want of me, let me know, I'll think about it.  And if this is all overly self-indulgent and you skimmed this overly long self important post, well, I don't blame you.  Ask Akeeyu to introduce you to Soduko.